Tuesday, December 06, 2011

Time is of the Essence

So I was talking to my friend the other day about dating, and what he said was kind of depressing. He turned 30 a few months ago, got out of a long term relationship recently, and what he told me was to find someone NOW and to lock it down. I kind of scoffed at the thought because man, I have plenty of time...right?


He's been going out with women in his age bracket (lol bracket) and I don't know if it's because of the area he lives in, the particular women he's been going out with, or the type of women he attracts, but there's a common theme with all of them: they all want to settle down and start a family. Whoooaaaa! Big reveal, I know! Granted, that isn't too hard to fathom as many people start to get married around their mid-20's with it snowballing from there...but the way he was explaining it was that these women just want to find someone to take over the role of husband and father, and they didn't want to be with you for you, but what you can provide. That SUCKS!

I hope I misinterpreted what he was saying or that he was just biased, because that's a terrible reality to live in. You want to marry someone for love and not out of practicality right? At least, that's the romantic side of me speaking...but then again, love marriages are a pretty western and modern concept in comparison to marriages in eastern cultures where things are more "traditional." We're all familiar with Asian parents wanting their daughters to end up with doctors, lawyers, and the like, and I'm beginning to think I'm in the minority for the type of woman I'd like to end up with amongst my Asian friends. The guys seem to want someone who stays at home and cooks/cleans, so basically a housewife. Can't say I'm a fan.

Anyway, it sucks...it really does. But who does it suck for more, the men or women? I never really gave this much thought because I still think turning 30 is so far away (it isn't.) Upon further examination though, I'll have to say it really sucks for the women, but only if they want babies. That's plural. I used to think being a woman at 30 was no big deal if you wanted to get married and have a kid...but exactly that. To have a kid. If you want more than one, 30 is cutting it waaaaay close unless you want children with birth defects.

It's hypothetical time! I'm just using arbitrary numbers here that would seem realistic, so bear with me.

As a woman, say you meet someone and start dating them at 30. You date for a year, then decide to move in together as the next step. You live together for a year and see that you work well together as a team and can cohabitate. By now you're 32. You decide to get married and set the marriage a year later. Now you're 33. You get married, go on your honeymoon, spend a month or so getting acclimated to the married life, and a few months later you realise you're pregnant. 6 months later you're a proud new parent. By now you're 34. You have one "good" year left to have children without running a much higher risk of having a child with birth defects.

That sucks!

I know this deterioration affects men as well; we're susceptible to age (we die earlier don't we?)...except instead of having one egg a month we have millions of sperm, so our odds are much better.

I can understand why a woman would get in "husband mode" or whatever once you get in your 30s...but maybe having kids isn't for everyone. I guess you could always be a single mom, do the Ted Mosby/Barney Stinson raising a kid as straight friends thing but with your girlfriend, or just roll the dice. At some point it gets selfish though...just adopt a kid. If you have kids when you're older you're making it worse for everyone involved. By the time you're ready to retire, your kids will just be getting out of college and may still need financial assistance...meaning you can't retire yet. Or if you do retire and you need financial assistance due to health or whatever else, they won't have much disposable income because they'll have to take care of you and so on.

Biology is a bitch...

In that regard I can see how the scales can tip in favour of men once we get older, so dating gets easier...


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