Monday, June 20, 2011

How to Train a Kid



 "Treat a child as though he already is the person he's capable of becoming."
 

--- Haim Ginott 


I imagine it was rough raising me when I was a growing up. I'm the type of person that when told you can't do something, it makes me want to do it...even if I had no desire to do it before in the first place.  The same applies for saying I have to do something a certain way...where I'll do the opposite to spite you. I suppose in that regard you can manipulate me into doing things I had no intention of doing, just by telling me I can't do something...unless I'm fully aware of what you're doing.

I have no doubt in my mind I infuriated my mom as a kid (as an adult too methinks,) especially considering how conservative Asians parents typically are. Good thing my mom isn't typical, but I think that's because I put her through so much. I have piercings, tattoos, dyed my hair a few times, stayed out late, had friends over late, did poorly my senior year in high school, quit playing several instruments, was busted with alcohol while underage and so on. It goes both ways though, because at 27 she still treats me like a little kid and it's a little irritating (Hi mom! I know you read this =D We've talked about the following before, but I'm just reiterating for you.)

Sums it up

Here's a bit of a breakdown of what I mean by treating me like a little kid. Whenever I talk to her she asks the same things. She asks if I'm eating fruits and vegetables. She asks if I'm saving money. She asks if I'm eating out or cooking (haha that one's easy.) She asks if I've met any girls lately...in particular Taiwanese girls. On one hand it's great knowing my mom cares about my well being...but on the other hand...I've been living on my own the past 4 years! I've migrated to another country on my own! I think I know how to take care of myself...

Glad my dad wasn't like this

Back to being 27. So I'm at that age where friends are starting to pair off, and parents are beginning to not so subtlety hint at doing the same. Well, my dad isn't...he's fine with whatever I do as long as I'm happy and have a plan. I like to think I'm doing things he never had the opportunity to do so he encourages my endeavors (Happy Father's Day, love you dad.)

My mom on the other hand...she is not one to hide her feelings. Every picture she sees of me where there is an Asian girl, she'll interrogate me about who she is, what she does, the nature of our relationship, and why I don't go after her. There have been times where I'm on the phone with her, and the person she is asking about is right next to me...it makes for very awkward conversation where I just abruptly end the conversation. The other day she started questioning me about a friend of mine and went into how easy family get-togethers would be in Taiwan...QUE?!!


She's made it clear the type of girl she wants me to end up with: Asian, can speak Mandarin, and preferably Taiwanese so she can communicate with her and her family. I get it...it'd be easier to understand one another with common ground and family affairs would be pretty seamless. But when she asks me ridiculous questions like "If you ever married someone who said you couldn't visit your parents, would you listen to her or us?" What the hell!?! I'm not even dating someone, and if I were, I wouldn't date someone like that so that question is irrelevant. Asking those types of questions and trying to get me to date someone that you'd like makes me want to do the complete opposite! Next thing you know I will be dating an African Queen from the Ivory Coast.

Close enough

It opens up some interesting avenues of thought where you can think of various scenarios though...mainly because I don't think I'll be getting married anytime in the near future and I don't have many close Asian friends in interracial relationships/marriages. (Hell, my sister has been dating the same guy for over 8 years and there's no way I'm getting married before them.) Sure, culture can have an impact on who you end up with...but I was raised in a westernized culture and actively embrace it. I highly dislike Asian pop culture...doesn't mean I dislike Asians. It's kind of an oxymoron since most of my friends are Asian.

I believe whoever you end up with should be someone you're happy with, not who your parents are happy with. Whether they're Asian, black, Caucasian, mixed, conservative, liberal, hate kids, love kids, etc. At the end of the day, you'll be the one sleeping next to them, living your lives together, and possibly raising a family together. I am my own person...I'll do what makes me happy.

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