Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Counting My Blessings

Pops off at 2:43

It's a fine line to walk when you're proud of your accomplishments, yet want to be humble about them. When there's so much wrong going on in the world but your life is going so right, it feels like it's in poor taste to talk about how good you have it...although how good you have it is relative. First and foremost I'm blessed to have the parents I have. Truly blessed. They've fully supported me on all my endeavors and have given me so much freedom to be me. After more than 30 years they're still together and do things like take dancing classes together. Real cute. The downside to this is summed up by Donald Glover aka Childish Gambino on a quote he had on reddit when he did an AMA: "Plus my parents are still together and met on the subway, so I have this fucked up romance thing Im into. yugh."

Not gonna lie, I find her attractive

I'm blessed to have grown up in a great country around amazing friends and blessed to now live in another great country. Speaking of which, I'm blessed to have a job that challenges me and gives me the financial freedom and time to pursue my outside interests. On top of that I'm blessed to not be saddled by any debt, to have the drive to accomplish my goals, and to have 20/20 vision. When it comes down to it, I'm really happy with how life is going and can only assume it will get better from here.

Happiness is a funny thing. As Americans, you grow up believing everyone deserves to be happy. Hell, it's in the Declaration of Independence as: "Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness." Australia has something comparable with "Life, liberty, and prosperity." Is this a right everyone deserves? I like to think so. The only problem is, happiness mean something different from everyone. To some, it's being financially stable. To others, it's being in a relationship. Some others believe it's being able to pursue their passion, whatever that may be. Can conflicts arise withing your interpersonal relationships when something that makes you happy doesn't gel with what makes someone else happy? You bet (I know it's an obvious answer.) You can't really tell someone what should make them happy...no lives are the same and that's something they should figure out on their own.

There's a Princeton study that says money can buy happiness, but up to $75k a year. After that, the quality of everyday feelings and experiences don't improve. While money's never been my motivation for happiness, I can safely say "check." I can't really ask for more...I suppose I could say a relationship, but there's so much I want to accomplish right now that being in a serious relationship would not allow for (aka do whatever I want with my money, travel somewhere whenever I want, and just be selfish.) I can't put someone through all that when I'm obviously not ready.

Anyways, to my original point...I have a good friend who has passed the threshold for happiness according to the Princeton study, but is apparently not very happy. Here's an excerpt from a conversation we had that really put me off:

Disclaimer: I operate on tough love and can be very blunt...I can be kind of heartless.
(I understand this can be construed as passive aggressive which is not my MO but trust me it isn't.)

Them: yea, and I want in
 if you can't beat them, join them
 me: lol
 sell out
Them: seriously, its depressing
me: what's depressing
  i think you value money too much
  and put your self-esteem in superficial things
  looks and money
 Them: i like the feeling of success
 me: bc of that one girl
  success doesn't mean money
 there's an article
  after 75k
  happiness doesn't increase
  for people
 Them: I'd feel more successful if i could say i have a high paying job
 me: you HAVE a high paying job
 Them: six figures
 me: haha
 Them: its depressing
 me: it's not
  it's a state of mind
  when you get to six figures
  you'll probably want to say
 Them: cuz those finance guys aren't necessarily smarter than us engineers
 me: if you have 200k
 Them: yet, they get paid substanitally mopre
 me: money isn't everything
  so you make six figs
  what then?
  i have a few friends who make six figs
  and they aren't happy
 Them: if I had both looks and money...kablaamo
 me: haha
  kablama what?
  kablamo what?
  what would that mean?
Them: girls would be fighting over me like in those axe body spray commercials
 me: are you sure?
  i mean really, are you sure?
 Them: family and relatives would be like, that ********* of ours is doing extremely well
 me: you really do have low self-esteem man
  you care far too much about what other people think about you
  and put your self-worth in that
even though
  you make well more than what the average household makes in america
  you're an above average looking guy
  but you have no self-confidence
  besides if you say it'd be just kablaamo
  you don't really care if the girl is only interested in you for superficial reasons too?
  like just with you for money and looks
  but the next guy that comes around with more money better looks
 she's gone
  doesn't really care about who you are
  or your personality
  just the stuff you provide
 Them: it goes both ways man
 me: with money
 Them: I want a girl who is hot
  girls want guys with money
 me: superficiality goes hand in hand
 Them: yep
 me: you're generalizing that all girls wnat guys with money
  so you're saying you're superficial
 Them: yes
 me: haha ok
 Them: i want a hot girl
 me: i can't wait to post this..
 Them: a trophy wife
  why else do u think i'm freaking single
 me: because you have low self esteem?
 Them: i'm not able to get that trophy wife just yet!!!
  dammitt all to hell!!
 me: and don't think you're valuable as a person?
  because you have no personality
 and think girls only care about money and looks
  and probably slightly misogynist
those are my guesses
 Them: it depends on the girl obviously
  and what point she's at in her life
 me: i'm going to wager it doesn't matter to you
 Them: college girls for example are very impressionable
 me: the only thing you care about are her looks
  not who she is
 Them: career oriented girls are harder
 me: in all honesty
 Them: 1. Looks
 me: i can't continue this conversation with you
 Them: 2. career
 me: haha
 Them: 3. personality
 me: i normally don't judge people
  but i am really judging right now
  and reevaluating this relationship of ours
 Them: i'm reevaluating you reevaluating this relationship of ours
 me: that's fine
 your inside ugliness is coming out


I really hope they were joking...I was pretty disappointed and disgusted with this. Caricatures of these type of people exist in TV and movies, but real life? One of my friends I thought I knew well? Sometimes you get to a point where you outgrow your friendships with people. It's part of life and it happens even when you don't want it to. This is something that is a core value for them...and I wish them all the best or to seek help because I can't associate with someone like that.

Happiness really is relative...


At April 13, 2011 at 12:14 AM , Blogger Jinny said...

Yeah, if the current economy wasn't a wake up call, I don't know what would be. Jobs aren't life-long careers anymore, so anyone depending on a certain income these days is maybe even more fleeting than looks. lol I care if a guy is working, but not about his salary.

At April 14, 2011 at 6:46 AM , Blogger Wil C said...

Sometimes, when you get to where you were going, you realized it wasn't where you wanted to be all along.


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