Monday, March 07, 2011

Shellfish Part 1

As of March 5th, 2011 I am officially a certified as a PADI Open Water Diver! New adventures await...at the top of my list are the Fiji Shark Dive, Belize Blue Hole, Red Sea diving, diving with whales, and various caves/shipwrecks. If anyone is interested in making a diving expedition, get at me...

The world is your oyster!!!

Do you ever think that you're too selfish?

It's something that's been on my mind lately. Growing up as the only boy in an Asian household, you definitely gain some benefits that you probably wouldn't get if you were born a girl. Your parents don't really care how late you stay up, who you hang out with, and generally kind of hook you up as a kid. Or maybe that was just me. I'm not going to lie, I was pretty spoiled...not in the sense that I got whatever toy/item I wanted, but I was pretty much allowed to do what I wanted and I never had to worry about basic needs. If I was hungry my mom would cook my favorite dish or my dad would go out and buy food. If I wanted to have a sleepover at a friend's house, I was rarely told no. If I had friends over and we were up past midnight being loud, my parents never said anything. If I was sick or hurt, I was always taken care of.

These were things I took for granted growing up, and as I grow older and reflect on my childhood I can't help but think this about myself: I was a spoiled punk bitch. I can't believe the things I put my parents through, the things I've done, and how they've stuck by my side each and every time even though I embarrassed them to extreme degrees. I guess I'll write out a few anecdotes to explain how much of a punkass I was. Key word...was.

This is not a typical Asian potluck

Story #1:

This happened at a pot luck in Arizona when I was about 6 years old. At these potlucks, the kids normally play together in a room while the adults socialize. This potluck happened to be in a school cafeteria, and the kids' playroom was an adjacent office room. While the parents were socializing, karaoking or some dude was speaking on a mic, us kids were playing with toys and playing random kids games like ring around the rosie. After playing with some action figures I decided to head towards the open door. What happened next is something I am not proud of. As I was about to leave the room, I noticed a baby girl was walking towards the door. Being a punk kid that didn't like babies, as she reached her hand towards the door I closed it. Why? I DON'T KNOW. The door closed and ripped off her index finger. She obviously began to cry, and I ran away to the safety of my parents. Several years later I heard her finger was reattached, but wow...

I don't think I'm allowed to go back

 Story #2:

This also happened in Arizona when I was about 6 years old. Being the only boy in my family, I really looked up to older boys since I wanted a brother so badly. I'd do things like emulate their actions, and listen to what they'd tell me to do. This did not work out in my favor. One day, my family was at church and one of the older boys I looked up to was there as well. He told me it'd be really funny if I showed my penis to the other girls at church. You can kind of guess what happened next. A 6 year old Asian boy, running around with his fly undone, penis hanging out, chasing after the screaming girls at church. At church! I defiled church. Parents and other families were not pleased. At least I knew how to get the attention of the ladies at a young age...a regular Casanova....actually no, I got an ass whupping that night.

What's wrong with me?

Story #3

This was in Michigan when I was about 8? My family recently moved to Michigan since my dad finished his PhD and found a job there, close to his twin brother. Part of moving to a new area is putting yourself out there and socializing with your co-workers and what not, and my dad made friends with a woman with a daughter. They decided her daughter should hang out with my sister and I. Not a great idea. It was about this age that we learned how to ride bikes. We weren't particularly well off, so we had one bike to share amongst the three of us. I don't remember the details too vividly, but I believe the girl Leslie was hogging the bike. Me, being a general punkass thought she was being selfish so I pushed her when she rode past and she fell to the ground. My biggest fear at that age was the dark, so as my punishment my parents locked me in the bathroom in the dark for 3 hours. Pretty sure I cried my eyes out, and that's when I started being less of a punkass...though I was still a punkass.

Wow..if I knew 5-8 year old me I would kick his ass to another country.

Through the course of these anecdotes I managed to shame and embarrass my parents in the local Taiwanese community, church community, and work community. Yet, they never said anything bad about me to those people, and kept supporting me as I continued to grow up. It makes me feel really grateful for them and at the same time a bit shameful and embarrassed of myself. It leads me to wonder if I'm just a selfish person in general?

I'm fat and retarded

For example, my parents raised my punkass, never gave me any reason to worry about anything, put me through school, sacrificed so much of their lives, and have pretty much supported everything I've done. What do I do in return? I move to Australia, far away from them. My parents are very frugal, while I spend my money eating out all the time and traveling to exotic places. The same goes for my friends; they've always supported me, but instead of being there for them or enjoying each others' company I piss off to Australia.

Isn't that selfish?

At the end of the day, isn't everyone selfish? Let's say you do a good deed for someone and it makes you feel good, so you continue doing good deeds for others. Is that selfish or not? Would it be different if you hated doing it but continued to do it?

To emphasize why I think I'm selfish, this is how I rank my relationships in order of importance:

1. Myself
2. Family
3. Friends
4. Girlfriend/Lady friend (When I have one)
5. Acquaintances

I'll explain in Part 2...

(I realize how ironic this is because I try to live taflove...it's all very complicated.)

1 Comments:

At March 15, 2011 at 12:32 AM , Blogger Vien Nguyen said...

aha you were a punk bitch aha what a funny childhood

 

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