Tuesday, March 01, 2011

Cut it out!

Open letter to friends and family:

Cut it out

Stop getting married! You're making the rest of us single folk look bad!

It's funny how age creeps up on you so quickly...one minute you're in high school, thinking you're awesome because you can finally drive and/or have a job. The next minute you're in college, enjoying the perks of being an "adult" and thinking you're going to change the world once you graduate. The minute after that you're sitting in a cubicle watching your youth pass you by and seeing your friends and family start pairing off for life. Where did the time go? I graduated from high school nearly 10 years ago...what the hell.

High Skool

Not that I have anything against marriage, it's just terrifying to me. It's so...permanent, and nobody wants to be a statistic. How do you know you've made the right choice in your life partner? The person that is supposed to grow old with you, accept you as you are, the one you look forward to waking up next to everyday, and who makes you a better person and vice versa. With the advent of technology and cheaper methods of transportation, the dating pool has blown up to massive proportions...making it that much harder to choose or to know what you want. It's kind of a catch-22. Your 20's are the years where you can be bold, make mistakes, experiment, and take risks to figure out what you really want out of life. Do something that freaks you out, date someone that isn't your type, make an ass out of yourself, blow your money on something trivial and inconsequential, and so on. As my 20s begin to come to a close, I'm beginning to think about the future and what I would like in a serious relationship. This is amplified further since I'm getting all these invites to weddings this year and most of my friends are in long term relationships, making me evaluate the several relationships I've had.

Fact #1: My dating career began roughly 10 years ago.
Fact #2: The time I've spent dating or in a relationship the past 10 years is far less than the time I've spent single. If I had to estimate, I've spent about 4 years dating or in a relationship.
Fact #3: My sister has been in one relationship her whole life and in terms of time spent in a relationship she's already doubled my dating career.
Fact #4: The older I get, the shorter my relationships get.
Fact #5: I'm pretty sure I've never been in love.

My experiences dating have left me with some funny stories, memories I'd rather forget, and a plethora of situations that have helped me grow as a person. Such experiences include getting stood up, getting rejected when making a move, random hookups, getting friendzoned, friendzoning others, having persistence pay off, having persistence punch you in the face, misreading cues, shooting myself in the foot, breaking hearts, getting my heart broken, getting numbers just to practice, realizing the difference between love and infatuation, using others for an ego boost, being that guy, coming on too strong with romance and more! I'm sure many of you single people can relate...(I hope? I'm not alone in this am I? Hello?)

Realizing I was/am an idiot

I used to think physical attraction would be one of, if not the most important aspect of a relationship. After several attempts at making these types of things work I've seen how wrong I was...granted, physical attraction matters to an extent; it's like the bait on a fishing hook: it'll catch you but it won't necessarily hold you for long. Without many commonalities or agreements on fundamental issues such as religion, desire for children, sense of humor, and libido these relationships are doomed to fail. While I'm not currently looking, my attitude is now more of a friends first and let things happen naturally attitude. Though you run the risk of getting friendzoned, isn't the best type of relationship the one where you're with your best friend? If you're looking for something short term, physical all the way! Longer term, not so much since looks fade, but personality is more or less constant. When you click with someone, it's pretty awesome.

The weight on my shoulders (tattoo on my back)

I'm also quite terrified because I have big shoes to fill. I'm the only boy on my dad's side...I carry the name. In addition to this, I don't think there is any way I can top the stories of how my grandpa married my grandma and how my dad married my mom. There is absolutely no way. According to my aunt, this is the story of how my grandfather ended up with my grandmother:

"Ah Gong, too, had his story, and a rather unusual journey. Near the end of WWII, Ah Gong, then around 20, was drafted by the Japanese Army to be a medical aid in a field hospital in Hai-nan Island,in Southern China Sea. At the time, Taiwan was under Japanese colonization. According to the laws, each of the family has to contribute the eldest son to Japanese Army. It was not Ah Gong who was drafted, because Ah Gong was the second son. The eldest son was already married and was expecting a child. Ah Gong, then single, came forward to go to the War in place of his brother.

Ironically, my eldest uncle was killed in a car accident during the time Ah Gong was away in Hai-nan Island. A year later, the War ended, Ah Gong came back to Taiwan. Since Japan was defeated, they did not have the means to arrange transportation for the Taiwanese soldiers. It is said he walked back from Kao-hsiung harbor to Tainan. By the time he arrived at home, He was so haggard and disheveled the family can hardly recognize him. Ah Gong married his brother's widow, who is also your Ah Ma. Ah Gong experienced War to spare his brother the danger. He married his brother's widow because my grand parents were so fond of my mother, your Ah Ma, they didn't want her to leave the house and married someone else. He never had a life of his own. "

The Original Gangsta


My parents have been together for a long long time...since high school. Did I mention it's been a long time? It's a pretty funny story, as it could probably be made into a movie. My mom was the popular girl in school, and my dad was the quiet kid who admired from afar. He kept trying and trying, waiting after class to ask her out and my mom kept turning him down. On top of this, their families did not like one another...if I remember correctly, my grandpa on my dad's side cut off the power to the house of my grandpa on my mom's side. One day, my mom finally caved in and said yes. She discovered he had a good heart, though he looked like a hipster. Soon thereafter, my dad went off to the army and worked for a while before deciding to move to America to study in order to create a better life for my sister and I. My mom stuck by his side the whole time though she didn't see him that often. Right now they have a happy and healthy marriage...something I truly admire.

edit: My sister has corrected me in saying that my parents met while my dad was in college on a hiking trip with a club...but the rest is pretty much right :p

My dad was a hipster.


My story is not going to be anywhere near as epic or romantic...might as well not try...(just kidding.)

Whatever...there are plenty of pages left to write in the Book of Howard.

Chapter 1: Whatchu lookin at?


At March 2, 2011 at 2:16 PM , Blogger Amy said...

my initial reaction to the first image on this post when it showed up on my feed was that you were against hetero marriages.
then i kept reading.
cool stories about grandparents and parents! maybe you will be scuba diving and meet an aussie mermaid. great story!


Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home