Saturday, October 02, 2010

Manly Australia

Before I ever stepped foot in Australia, all I knew about Australia was what I saw on TV or in the movies. I never had an Australian friend or a friend who visited that told me all about it. Predictably, when I thought about Australia all I could picture was the following:

1. Crocodile Dundee
2. Steve Irwin
3. Koalas, Kangaroos, Crocodiles, Stingrays, Sharks, Wallabies, Platypus', and other marsupials.
4. The outback, with gigantic insects and dangerous wild animals.
5. Cool accents

I never envisioned Australia to be such a modernized and awesome country. So please, forgive me.

Though what I listed is only a small part and unfortunately popular American opinion of the Australian experience, there is a common theme throughout the list. That theme is manliness.

Benjamin Franklin, I will MESS you UP.
Let's begin with Australia's currency. Look at it! I don't know who this man is, but he just about has the most manly and impressive mustache to ever grace a $100 bill. Benjamin Franklin may be a smart man, but the man depicted on Australia's $100 bill would kick Benji's ass all day erry day.

Australia is so manly, they named a city/beach just north of Sydney, Manly.

via Wikipedia: "The beach was named by Capt. Arthur Phillip for the indigenous people living there. He wrote about them, 'Their confidence and manly behaviour made me give the name of Manly Cove to this place.'"

As you can imagine, my sophomoric mentality has a field day whenever I visit Manly. These next few pictures show you why... 

The only pharmacy in the world that will shove pills down your throat or up your butt
Jewelry that just exhibits manliness when you wear it
This needs no explanation...
The most popular sport in Australia is rugby, which is similar to football...except the players don't wear pads or helmets. That is manly. Additionally, whereas other countries call football "American football," Australians call it "Gridiron." That sounds so much manlier doesn't it?

No pads.

Australia has a well known spread called Vegemite that I have yet to try. From what I hear, it tastes like I deduce you have to have manly tastebuds in order to enjoy it. Since it's famous in Australia, that must mean Australians are manly because they enjoy eating stuff that tastes like ass.


Australia's slang is also manly, e.g. bloody, cut. I'm pretty sure many of you are familiar with the term "bloody" as an intensifier, but in Australia "cut" means hurt. For example, "I was so cut by his comment."

Australia has a car brand named Holden. While the name itself is not manly, their logo is. Eat your heart out Ford, Toyoto, BMW, Renault, FIAT. The closest in manliness would be Puegeot or Ferrari.

Lion and a stone

Lastly, based on an Oxford study, Australian men are the worst husbands in the world because they are the least likely to help out with household chores and childcare. If that isn't manliness to the max, I don't know what is...

All kidding aside, I'm still awaiting good news and I'm hoping I haven't heard back yet because people in Australia are so laid back that everyone leaves work early Friday (apparently this is customary) and because there's a national holiday on Monday.

On another note, Australia does lose manly points because I have yet to find American Bacon...I thought I did today but it was a tease; crispy Australian bacon. The search continues...

You jerk sandwich, you were tasty but you faked me out.

Manly Beach


At October 2, 2010 at 6:08 AM , Blogger caffeinatedendeavors said...

can't wait to experience the manliness.

At October 4, 2010 at 2:29 PM , Blogger Amy said...

while rugby is pretty manly, there's this one move that they do - i think it's when they're throwing in the ball from one of the sidelines - it involves lifting up one of their players that kinda reminds me of cheerleading and/or synchronized swimming.


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